So it’s been known for a while now that ASIC want the power to view all communications in all mediums to assist them in their constant struggle against those white-collar vagabonds. Their approach is rather tired and uninspired – basically to store everything so they can look back on it if needed.

More than a few people with experience in dealing with clients when it comes to technology would have reacted badly to this notion – the ludicrous nature of this kind of request. If it’s not the lacking understanding of technology when it comes to governing bodies that is cringeworthy it would be the flippant pass-the-buck nature that this kind of watchdogging entails.

In the battle against crime in finance it makes total sense, right? Its not a problem of how to store all that data. Its not a problem of invading privacy. Its not even a concern that such governing bodies can be guilty of rogue activity because, you know, they are all pure and just. Its actually only a problem of when to demand information during an investigation; anything else is outside the job description. Of course it doesn’t make sense – it is in fact rather stupid.

How’s this for a snapshot into the nature of these kinds of requests:

Telstra: So you just want metadata?

ASIC: No we want everything – the actually phone conversations and stuff, ya know.

Telstra: That’s a lot of data. How long are we meant to keep it?

ASIC: What do you mean? Forever, of course.

It’s not practical guys – it never is. Where is the outside-the-box thinking!? And so it falls to The Rogue Couch to imbue lateral thinking into this situation. We have some alternative approaches.

Covert Agents

Get some people on the inside to sniff out the trouble. This will take time; the kind of time that it took for sleeper agents to be embedded into a rival nation. Those agents would need to be in positions of power and would also need to be protected by federal law.

It can’t be that hard – surely. How many bosses do you know that you often wonder how they got there? You don’t necessarily have to be good at your job to climb the corporate ladder – you just have to know how to get the most out of others.

Un-privatise Financial Institutions

All the woes of the governing bodies could be more easily be controlled by making it all part of the public sector. Just think about the implications of this. All those fees, all that interest, all of it straight into the federal budget. Wow!

Take NSW as an example, they held on to the public energy sector like it was stupid to create a competitive environment via privatisation. Of course, not everyone in parliament was saying that – it’s hardly important now, though. It was obviously important for the public sector to manage important utilities so why not finance? It makes so much sense.

Research Studies

Studies get the attention of just about everyone – at least when the topic is right. Hadn’t you heard about white-collar crime? It causes cancer – no fooling. It can’t be that hard to show statistically significant results that criminals have a higher prevalence of cancer. They do it for just about every other activity associated with the modern day human condition. ASIC wants to stop you for your own good – please believe them!

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