We all know it happens. It happens a lot. You’ve lost count of the number of times you asked yourself why you still have that person on your Facebook account. Of course, you could be one of those people that don’t have access to Facebook at your 9-5 job. If so, fear not: we can recreate the experience right here!

The Rogue Couch presents, the Social Suicides.

Acts of such foolishness, they are sure to be the quickest way to having less people being interested in what you generally have to say. Of course, if they aren’t people you really know then this may all be moot. We will continue, nonetheless:

Social Suicide #3: First Timer

Just finished making my bed for the first time… I’ve earned myself a coffee!

It doesn’t matter what the action is: making a bed; cleaning the dishes; you name it. This act of suicide has the culminating affect of people realising you are probably not as worldly or balanced as you profess to be.

The amount of lost respect one might have developed is multiplied when coupled with recent moments of you enlightening others with said faux worldliness. Regardless of things like age and socio-economic status that may explain such things you can rest assured people weren’t impressed – despite those few friends that thought it to be fantastic.

Social Suicide #2: Political Prowess

Can’t believe these new policies by the Government… when will people learn that it’s time the Greens got a shot!

The memo went out when most people weren’t paying attention – the hipsters got it, though. Apparently stretching your politically charged views and/or prowess is a good thing, particularly when used as a tool to ridicule others and their obvious inferiority when compared to your new-age 2012 ideals.

It’s a great time to be alive in the world of politics. No, really. The fact that people can so staunchly persecute one party they dislike while always raising the positives of another. The fact that people are more willing to ignore a lack of substantive evidence that certain parties can actually run an economy, in favour of ideals. Impressive, truly impressive.

Social Suicide #1: Emotional Epiphany (No. 100,300,455)

So over it guys! I’m not going to take it anymore I’m better than that! From now on it’s gotta be good for me or you’re out buddy!

This person has just about every post about how they have decided that they won’t be ruled by men/women anymore. If not about the opposite sex then it is about how they have decided their destructive lifestyle is going to end. It’s met by cheers, congrats, and dittos from like-minded people.

You are happy for these people and their decisions. You bear them no malice. You just don’t want to see the rinse-and-repeat cycle happen every 1-2 weeks. That’s just what you get though – and there seems to be no end to it.

You may not notice this among your Facebook friends, you may in fact be one of the offenders. Take some time to reflect on that.