Now that the London Olympics – officially the Games of the XXX Olympiad – are well and truly over we set our minds back to see which female athlete was an exceptional standout, and when I say standout it doesn’t mean she won any medals or they tried their best to win, I mean they won no medals and tried very little to look good which left us guys and a small minority of women a little hot under the collar when watching them perform.
So I did a little reconnaissance mission flying around like the albatross that I am to bars, café’s and the office water cooler to see who people were talking about as the most stunning athlete that was appealing to the eyes and delicious for the mind.
And without any further ado let me give you London’s Bombshells of 2012…
10. Stephanie “Kobe’s Girl” RICE (Australia) Swimming
Unlike Beijing 2008, Rice failed to medal in the pool. However she did take out the gold when it came to antagonising Kobe Bryant’s ex-wife and uknown and overweight Australian basketballer, Elizabeth “I Ate All The Cabbage” Cambage.
9. Sophie “Polly” POLKAMP (Netherlands) Hockey
Little Richard summed it up in one of his hit songs “Good Golly Miss Polly”. ‘Nuff said.
8. Leryn “Garrincha” (LittleBird) FRANCO (Paraguay) Javelin
A little birdie told me that Leryn not only is a sports star but also a television personality. And model. When a girl has all these occupations under her belt you know she means business and is one hot lady.
7. Hope “Princess” SOLO (USA) Soccer
Lovechild of Millenium Falcon captain and occasional cargo smuggler, Hans Solo (of Star Wars fame). Hope also made headlines pre tournament by testing positive to a pre-menstrual medication that was banned by the US Anti-Doping Agency (USADA). I don’t even have a joke here.
6. Paraskevi “Voula” PAPACHRISTOU (Greece) Triple Long Jump
Her first name means ‘Friday’ in Greek and the ‘Papa’ bit of her second indicates a member of the priesthood in her ancestory. So basically Voula is what you get when you mix God with the best day of the week (let’s move along now before I get struck by a bolt of lightening).
5. Ana “Anci” IVANOVIC (Serbia) Tennis
Belgrade’s favourite daughter. Her hero’s include Monica Seles and Slobodan Milosevic.
4. Lori “Lolo” JONES (USA) Track and Field
And all this time you thought that finding a virgin was something of the past well guess again. Lolo Jones has recently opened up about her experiences being a 29-year-old virgin. She has shared that it’s been hard to resist the temptation, harder than graduating college, even harder than training for the Olympics. This girl needs a gold medal just for this great feat, if nothing else. A standing ovation please, ladies and gentlemen.
3. Ivet “The Fastest White Women” LALOVA (Bulgaria) Running
This is what is produced when both your parents are sprinters, that’s right you get the fastest white woman in the world. This girl can give you whiplash if you are not careful.
2. Francesca “Picci” PICCINNI (Italy) Volleyball
I could put something here for you to read but you are probably better off google imaging her and enjoying the results.
1. Maria “Masha” SHARAPOVA (Russia) Tennis
Here’s a fun fact for you all: did you know that Maria holds the record for the loudest grunt on court measuring a crazy 101.2 decibels? Now we know why Andy Roddick is hard of hearing.
So there you have it peeps the Rogue Albatross’s top ten female athletes from the London Olympics.
I can already hear you all screaming and banging on the table saying “well what about…?” Feel free to comment below and tell me who.
P.S. STAY ROGUE FOLKS